


Gay Straight Guys

by strykerxlr8



Category: Hockey RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Crack, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Superbowl 2013, This is silly and should not be taken seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 16:29:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2474876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strykerxlr8/pseuds/strykerxlr8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“… Jones is past the 50 and he is flying! In the 201 and the kickoff return, 109 yards, at a TOUCHDOWN!” The TV announcers were screaming at this point and so were Jonny and Pat.</p>
<p>Cries of “YESSS!” rang out in the otherwise empty apartment.</p>
<p>They then turned to each other and double high fives turned into a chest bump which then turned into kissing.</p>
<p>OR </p>
<p>3 times Jonny and Pat accidentally kiss during the Superbowl and one time it wasn't accidental.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gay Straight Guys

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Duffy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duffy/gifts).



> This is a mockery of my OTP, nothing but pure crack.  
> I know nothing about the NFL – this is made up.  
> I tried to research but ughh...  
> It's not homophobia, its mostly just denial of feelings.  
> This is adapted (Probably word for word) from a [Madtv Sketch ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjnzddPjhCE)

Sundays are Jonny and Pat ‘best friend’ time. Everyone knew that. That’s why every one of their teammates knew that they were not to be contacted. Or, in other words, after the first two years of Jonny or Pat never picking their phones on Sundays, everyone got the hint to piss off. The only reason they could be contacted was if there was an emergency and since they never kept their phones on, the news bearer usually had to come over to either one of their apartments (depending on where they were holing up that Sunday) and tell them about it.

It’s not like they are doing anything that requires them hiding away from the world. They had both replied to interrogations about their Sunday absence with a shrug and a casual statement of just needing their ‘downtime’.

At first everyone had thought it was hilarious till they realized that Jonny and Patrick has really sworn an oath (to each other, to make it even more insane) that they would do their best to get their best friend times.

This ‘best friend’ time, as Sharpy and Pat had dubbed it, has been going on for seven years and they were still has happy about it as when they first came up with the idea.

That is, until the next ‘best friend’ time they had after the lock out ended.

***

Super bowl Sunday. Baltimore Ravens vs San Francisco 49ers.

The day that started it all.

_Only the Americans,_ Jonny thinks whenever he reminisces about it.

Pat showes up as normal and they spent the rest of the day doing nothing important. Mostly complaining about the inability to eat junk food, bitching about how long the damn lockout lasted (mostly because it restricted their ‘best friend’ time considerably), their happiness to be back with their teammates, etc.

Hours passes in that companionable atmosphere before Pat suddenly screams, startling Jonny enough to fall from the couch he was lying on.

“The fuck, Pat?” Jonny whined, rubbing his arm.

“JONNY! WE’RE ARE GONNA MISS THE SUPERBOWL” Pat yelled, running out of the kitchen before looking frantically around for, what Jonny presumes, the remote.

Jonny, seeing the remote on the edge of the couch, threw it at Pat. It hit him in the chest before he caught it.

“oohmp!”

“Serves you right for that stunt you pulled” Jonny said, dropping down on the couch. The super bowl wasn’t really a thing he focused on. He is Canadian for Gretzky’s sake. Give him the Stanley cup finals and he would be more interested. Jonny didn’t realize he had said all this out loud because the next word out of Pat was “Jonny, it’s because you are Canadian, I’m making you watch it. The super bowl is the cure for your overall Canadianess” mixed with muttered swearing as he tried to set the channel up. Pat was the only person in their entire team who had problems with technology.

“Canadianess isn’t a word, Pat” Jonny replies, before he got up and yanked the remote from Pat to do it himself.

By the time it was all set up, beers had been gotten, ceremonies were done and kick off began.

Another reason Jonny hated American Football was because of how long the game could go. Of course, him being him, his competitive side got involved and no matter how much he disliked the sport, he had already decided what team his was routing for and he would be damned if they were going to loss to the other guys. Thankfully, Pat was on the same side as he was.

Baltimore Ravens or Nothing.

Of course, by the time the second period started, Jonny and Pat where on the adrenaline side of drunk and shouting insults at the 49ers anytime they _had_ the ball and cheering for the Ravens whenever they _looked_ at the ball.

“Come on, Ravens! Here we go, here we go!” Jonny said to his TV. Beside him, Pat was thrumming on overhyped energy as well.

“Alright, back to the bowl, baby, back to the bowl!” Pat said. At this point, they are sitting closer than usual on the couch, arms and legs brushing occasionally. Jonny ignored it.

“They could play so much better than this” Jonny said instead.

**“… And this could be a run back! From 19! From Jacoby Jones! And look at him go!...”** the TV suddenly announced.

Jonny and Pat were already on their feet, chanting ‘ GO! GO LONG! GOOO!”

**“… Jones is past the 50 and he is flying! In the 201 and the kickoff return, 109 yards, at a TOUCHDOWN!”** The TV announcers were screaming at this point and so were Jonny and Pat.

Cries of “YESSS!” rang out in the otherwise empty apartment.

They then turned to each other and double high fives turned into a chest bump which then turned into kissing.

_What the ..._? Jonny thought before losing himself in the kiss.

Pat had put his hand behind Jonny’s head and pulled him towards his mouth, all in the space of a second and now they were frantically making out like two horny teenagers.

Their hands roamed all over each other, like they couldn’t touch each other enough, desperately trying to pull the other closer than was physically possible.

_Oh God, Pat’s mouth tastes bitter and sweet all at once_ Jonny thinks again before regaining control of his sense. Incidentally, Pat was the one who pushed him away.

They each take steps back away from each other and end up on each ends of the massive couch.

“Whoa!” Pat says, raising one hand as though to stop Jonny from coming closer. “Wh- What was that? What just happened?”

Jonny, looking around in confusion, said “Uhh, the Ravens scored”.

“No. The other part” Pat said, looking at Jonny, his eyes a mixture confusion and lust.

Jonny was pretty sure the same look could be found on him too. “You mean, the part with my tongue in your mouth?”

“Yeah!” Pat yelps, “That part”.

Jonny turns his head and scoffs “I-It was nothing”. He couldn’t meet Pat’s eye but he desperately hoped that Pat bought it.

He chances looking up and sees Pat nodding. “Yeah, it was just a thing” Pat replied, in a way that seemed to be reassuring Jonny more than himself. “A football thing! It happens all the time”

Jonny looked at him for a second too long “You think so?”

Pat’s face crumbles “No way”.

A few seconds of tense silence later, Jonny broke it.

“So, uhh, are we gay?”

Pat looked up startled by the question “No!” Then quickly looks down, contemplating.

“I don’t know” Pat says a second later. He looks up and stares Jonny down “Where you excited?”

Jonny stunned at the question shrieks “No!” then, “Yes. A-a little bit.” Jonny puts his hand to his head “Does that make me gay?”

“No!” Pat yelps again, stretching his hand to touch Jonny but seemed to think better of it.

Pat continues “Well, yeah. A little bit gay.” Pinching his thumbs and index to show the amount of gay Jonny might have in him.

“So, we are a little bit gay.” Jonny says, this time staring down Pat.

“Yeah! I mean, no, no! We are just two guys, two guys who got excited! And made out… ” Pat replies.

“It still sounds a little bit gay to me, man.” Jonny says.

“Yeah…” Pat nods, before his eyes draw to the game again and taps Jonny, alerting him to the start of the game.

The atmosphere calms down for a few minutes before the TV announcers start yelling again.

**“… OH AND IT’S A FUMBLE FROM THE 49ERS QUARTERBACK…”**

“YEAHHH!” Jonny screams, rising from the couch to jump about the room.

The “WHOOOO” from Pat could be heard too. The met in the middle of the room and high fived each other again. Jonny’s senses leave him once again and in another second, he had used the high five to pull Pat closer to him and crashed their lips together for another frantic embrace.

This time, the kiss lasted for a few minutes. 

Jonny could hear groans coming out but he wasn’t which other them was making the noises. He didn’t particularly care. He wanted Pat’s mouth open do that he could put his tongue in and really taste him. Jonny traced his tongue over Pat’s lips and nips at Pat’s lower lip. Pat moaned in compliance before allowing entrance. Pat wraps his arms around Jonny’s neck and tangles his hands into Jonny’s hair in a tight grip, causing Jonny to growl into Pat’s mouth.

Jonny lifts Pat high enough to wrap his legs around his waists. And moves them both towards the nearest wall. Tearing his mouth away, Jonny begins his trail his mouth down Pat’s neck without resistance. Licks and bites bring out moans and whimpers from Pat and Jonny desperately wanted to hear more.

“You. Are. So. Fucking. Sexy. Pat” Jon says with each nip to Pat’s throat.

“O-oh fuck! Jonny!” Pat whimpers and his breath hitches.

Then suddenly, Jonny feels Pat tense all over and scrambles to untangle him from around Jonny’s waist. In his haste to remove himself, Jonny feels the press of Pat’s hard dick on his stomach and groans out loud, which causes Pat to freeze. Jonny presses his own erection against Pat’s butt.

“Ahh, fuck!” Pat says as he grinds back down on Jonny’s dick. This resulted in another minute of rutting against each other before Pat freezes against and pushes Jonny away. He lands on his butt, which is enough to clear the haze of lust away from Jonny’s eyes and snort at the picture of Pat sprawled on the floor. Then Jonny remembers what had transpired in the last 5 minutes.

“WHAT THE HELL, PATRICK?” Jonny yells, looking around him for answer that was probably not going to be in his living room. “What the hell is happening?!”

Pat, who had picked himself up, moves a few feet away from Jonny and paces about. “Umm, I think we are gay, Jonny”

Jonny looked at him for a few seconds before replying “You think so?”

“Big time, buddy”

They stared at each other from opposite the room.

“S-So what do we do, Pat?”

“I-I don’t know, I’m new. I’m a new gay”

They both begin to gravitate towards each other.

“Should we, uhh, go to a gay bar or something?” Jonny asks Pat.

Pat’s face twists in thought “I don’t know, can you go if you are new?”

They both sit in silence for the rest of the game and when the Halftime show begins, Pat turns to Jonny and points at the screen.

“There! See! We like girls and boobs and Beyoncé is shaking her thing! That’s what we are all about!” Pat yells, excitedly. His face is flushed rosily and his eyes are incredibly bright and blue and Jonny wants to fall into them.

Pat catches him looks and flicks his eyes down to Jonny’s lips and before either of them could think about it, they were making out on the couch. This time in a gentler kiss that the previous two. They took their time exploring each other’s mouths and looked for ways to draw soft noises and hitched breaths from one another. Their hands also gave way to mapping each other’s bodies and pulling closer. They didn't stop till they noticed that they both had their shirts unbuttoned half way and Pat was lying on top of Jonny.

Pat scrambled back to the other side of the couch while Jonny, still lying down, covered his eyes with his hands and groaned in frustration.

“Look,” Pat begins, “I don’t know what’s going on here, ok? But just cause a couple of guys make out and neck and grope each other a little, doesn't make them gay, ok?”

Jonny tried not to let the twinge of disappointment wash over him and nods in agreement. He was relieved. Yeah, he _has_ to be relieved.

Pat stands up and looks down at Jonny. “You’re not gonna be weird about this, are you?”

Jonny stands as well, and again, they are a lot closer than probably wise but he refused to back down. “No! Are you?”

Jonny can see Pat’s eyes dilate a bit as he whispers “No, of course not.”

The room felt charged. They had both began to lean in, much to Jonny’s glee, when suddenly…

**“… AND WELCOME BACK TO THE FORTY-SEVENTH SUPERBOWL 2013…”**

They both jump and Jonny curses America internally. 

**“… And it’s incomplete turnover from the 49ers! Do you think this is a penalty, Jim?...”**

Jonny and Pat both jump up in joy. They turn to one another for a celly before they remembered that this was what kept flipping them on horny side. So they give each other an awkward bro hug.

Pat sighs, points towards the door and says “I gotta gay-GO! I gotta… go.”

Pat turns around to pick is coat up and when they are at the door, he turns to Jonny and says “Bye”, before he pushes up to plant a soft kiss on Jonny’s lips and runs away.

Jonny stands still in shock for a few minutes staring at nothing.

When he began to feel cold, he closes his door and goes to flops face down on his couch, giggling.

Only Patrick could turn him into a 15 year old girl with a crush.

 

The End...


End file.
